Who Are You?

Lately I have been thinking a lot about this. As I’m reading a current book titled, ”  The Hollywood Commandments A Spiritual Guide To Secular Success and watching a few of Evan Carmichael’s videos this has my mind pondering. Who am I? Sure, I am a girl, a writer, a daughter, an aunt and sister, but deep down who am I really? My grandmother once told me that a person in their 30’s should know who they are. Yet, I feel like I am still trying to find myself.  I was recently diagnosed with cirrhosis and it has me thinking a lot about life. Am I happy where my life is right now? The more I dwell I am not. i was watching this video that Evan Carmichael had on finding your purpose. One of the exercises that he mentioned was to make a list of things that you would do if you were a millionaire or only had one week to live. Of course the living part really caught attention.   If you don’t mind, I want to share my list with you guys. If money wasn’t an option and I was living on ” borrowed” time these are what would fulfill my life.

 

1. Become a New York Times Bestselling Author
2. Make one of my movies and have it on a network
3. See one of my Pilots on screen and even picked up
4. Write for TV
5. Live in a warm climate
6. Have the world enjoy my stories on and off screen.
7. Become a mother
8. Work as a Researcher

All of these things have one major thing in common. Can you SEE what it is? If you haven’t guessed it, it’s WRITING. It’s being a writer! Writing is something that I would do all day long and for free and still be happy. But, then I ask myself, why haven’t I been writing? The stress of everyday living has started to take the joy of just jotting things down and finishing projects away from me. I’m not happy with my job, it’s not brining me joy, I’m afraid of my health and dying. So many things that hold me back from really going after the dream. The fear is called THE DEVIL. He’s busy and I have to continue to not be here for it. Ignore  the voice in my head that tells me it won’t happen, it’s a long shot or  think if I will fail. Failure isn’t an option. I choose to live and not just exist, I chose life over death.

There are so many battles that people have in their lives, mostly with their self. We are human. It’s okay to be afraid, but we can’t give in to the fear. We must be risk takers. I was applying for a lot of jobs ( even though I’m starting a new one) where I am able to utilize my writing and research skills in some way, but not where my heart lies. Granted, I know the bills have to be paid and sometimes you have to do what you have to do and not want to do. But, where does that leave me? Sure, I can still write until I make it, I mean, that is what I plan to do. My goal is to not loose focus on the writing when life happens. Life clouds my judgement and it has really been getting to me lately. There are so many projects that I need to finish it’s not even funny. I had made a post on Facebook where I stated I was going to finish writing a film. I re-read what I wrote and then closed the computer. I keep asking myself, ” who are you?” I am a writer who will keep writing until her dreams come true no matter the obstacles. To my readers, who are you?