Following Your Dreams: Nature or Nurture?


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Lately, I have been watching a lot of Ted Talks and YouTube videos on how one finds their purpose and lives their fullest life. We are told at an early age in life that you can be whatever you want to be. In some ways I think this is true, but what happens when fear gets in the way of your dream. If you are like me there has been SEVERAL times where I had a lot of dreams or goals that I wanted to accomplish. I started to write when I was about 13 years old. First it was poetry, then I essay and I soon graduated to short stories and full on novels. It was a talent that I realized I had. I was someone who could tell amazing stories through words. Pretty fascinating stuff, right? When I turned 18, my dream was to be a nurse. I wanted to help people heal and get better. My mother went to school for nursing and I was inspired by her drive. It was short-lived because addiction became her focus. Then, I realized nursing wasn’t the way to go. Don’t get me wrong, I tried, I went to community college and took an anatomy and physiology class. It scared the crap out of me to learn that I had to memorize every bone in the body. That’s a lot of bones. I panicked and asked my mom for help. Not only did she know all of the bones, but she knew what bone helped what. Clearly, that was her dream and not mine. Then, later on I wanted to be a shrink. I was always told that I give great advice and that I was a trust worthy person. My mind was focused and I was a great listener. One of my professor’s  Ms. Brisel taught psychology 101 in a way that I had become fascinated and knew I was getting into the right field. So, what did I do? I got a bachelor’s degree in Behavioral Science. Guess, what? Til this day I STILL don’t use it. I tried to find a job in that field, without experience, no one will give me a shot.

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Now, I’m about 23 years old and I feel like the biggest failure known to man. I went to college, got the degree and couldn’t find a job in the field. My mind was starting to play tricks on me telling me I’m stupid and that I wasted money on a useless degree. I believed it. So, I did what any other person would do who was trying to find their way, I went back to school. First, I majored in Master’s in Social Work. I’m like yes, I am going to be a counselor! This is my time to shine and help people. Within the middle of the first semester, I put on academic probation and was flunking out. I had never told anyone that, until now. My life as I knew was in shambles. I had been a professional student for so long that I wasn’t able to find a secure job. Oh, did I mention I had just moved to North Carolina on a wing and a prayer? I had about eight thousand dollars saved and me and my friend just left. I wasn’t getting a job in Delaware so I figured I’d try my shot somewhere else. Somewhere where I wasn’t reminded of my failures within myself, my family, the friends I thought I had, the men that disappointed in life. I needed out. When the advisor told me I was flunking out of graduate school, I didn’t want to quit. I mean, I didn’t want to keep that major, but I didn’t want to quit. There I was sitting in my new 2 bedroom town house with no furniture or food, just electric, I started to write a new book, which was my third book. I did some research on new schools and found FullSail University. It was a film school that was located in Florida and I could go online. The options for majors were very long and then it found me. What was a release for me majority of my life was sitting there, it was creative writing.  I could get my MFA in Creative Writing. It was still my Master’s degree and I was still in school! Woo hoo! The phone meeting with an enrollment counselor went great. The program was for a year and I would be finished. The following year I had my Master’s in Creative Writing. Due to money issues, I was unable to go to the graduation, but I still passed. I learned to write everything, films, games, TV Pilot, Animation. I graduated with a 3.5.

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Although I got my Master’s I still wasn’t able to find a job in the field. It seemed I had to relocate to California or New York in order to write. My advisor told I didn’t have to move, but yet, I still wasn’t finding THE job I wanted. I wanted to write for a company or network. But, in all honesty, I wasn’t able to find my niche. It’s that way still. I’m so versatile in my writing that I can’t stick to one genre. But, then again, why should I? I’ve dabbled in journalism, magazines, blogs and even proposals.

Now, it’s 2018 and I’m still not writing  for a company or network. I’m still trying to find my niche. But, in between that I’ve written several books and ghost wrote a few as well. I have written many screenplays, treatments for shows and TV Pilots. It’s all in what I call (the vault), saved on my computer and USB drive. I won’t give up. My dream is to work as a writer of some sort and I will do just that. Monday I start a new job working as a customer solutions specialist. I’m going to be the best employee that I can be until it’s time to work that dream job.

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As I was thinking about my topic for today I thought about something DeVon Franklin said his book that I’m reading, ” The Hollywood Commandments A Spiritual Guide To Secular Success.” He said, ” You have to be able to carry the crown, before you can wear one.” It resonated with me because he talked about who he wanted to work in entertainment and every job that he had before he got his dream job and eventually starting his own company, prepared him to be where he is now in his life.  I believe this job I’m starting on Monday will do the same as well. Now, even though I am starting a different job, I still applied for writing jobs everywhere. I am thankful for my new job and I will serve there to the best of my ability. Who knows, I may even get to be a technical writer at my company, if something else doesn’t come along. DeVon states, ” you have to realize that you must start at the bottom in order to make it to the top. ” Or one must pay their dues. Another mentor that I’m following is Evan Michael and Laura Berman Fortgang. Evan said, ” Explore your options and find out what your purpose isn’t or what you like doing. It can only happen with experience.” He talked about trying snow boarding, salsa dancing and really enjoyed it. He said you won’t know what you don’t like to do if you don’t try it. It’s okay to explore because your purpose will find you. The bible says, ” Your gift will make room for you.” I wholeheartedly believe that. Laura said, ” A lot of people have a lot of ambition based on what they don’t want to be in their life i. e  their parents, a statistic.”  Career satisfaction doesn’t come from what you do, it comes from who you get to be while doing it. The beauty is who you get to be is the real you.”  The more I read these books by DeVon Franklin and watch videos like Evan Carmichael and Laura Fortgang, I realize that I am where I am supposed to be right now and I will be a writer because it is what I want to do. Dreams are what you make them to be. Some are born with them knowing what they want to do and some are learned by life’s experience. Is your dream nature or nurture?

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In Life, How Do You Trust The Process?


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There comes a time when life gets hard. You always ask yourself, ” When will things get better?” Lately, this has been my question with everything going on. I love to keep it real on my blog. I do not think of it as telling my business or putting myself out there. In a way I am putting myself out there, but that is because I am giving you me. My reality is not a great one right now. Still on the search for a job has become very daunting and stressful. I have not thought about  suicide, but I will say the rejection does get to me. Tonight, I listened to an interview by DeVon Franklin and he talked about his new book called ” The Ten Hollywood Commandments” and I LOVED the interview. It spoke to me in a way where I know that in my heart everything will be fine. Last year I did a service in AmeriCorps and my program manager told me to ” trust the process” and I would roll my eyes. In turn, I had no clue what it mean and how it applied to my life. Out of ignorance, I will say that I did not appreciate the program until now that I am out of it. Watching the interview, DeVon said, ” You can’t wear the crown until you have held it.” At first I did not understand what he was talking about until he said, ” you have to go through the process of serving until you make it to the top and then once you do, you still serve.” Lying in my bed, I was like, ” Oh shit!” What we go through is only temporary until the better opportunity presents itself.

It brought me back to when I was in a training for AmeriCorps and my program manager said to trust the process. Always be willing to serve and do your best. Now that I think about it, my mindset was horrible. I was horrible with my thinking that I was better or the position was ” beneath me.” Then I heard DeVon say, ” When you are at the bottom, what is beneath you?” The statement resonated with me so much. I was so on my high-horse when I was in fact at the bottom and should have been happy to serve. My friend and other person who was in the program serving and he is employed at that very place today. I was not offered a position even though I did my job. It’s funny how life will make you take a nice big slice of humble pie. Thinking back this other person was eager and happy to learn. He trusted the process and made it work for him where as I complained about the pay, the education and how the service was beneath me.  The good thing is I can ALWAYS learn from my mistakes and approach things differently. I am not a promoter for DeVon Franklin, but I really enjoyed his book, ” The Wait” and when I am able to I will purchase his new book. I chose to take his word and trust the process with my writing, a job and even life.

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I got a job today!


Thursday

It is almost Friday! Which means for me, this is my LAST full week being unemployed! You’ve guessed it if you need not understand the title. I was hired today! Yep, I have a full-time job you guys. I must say that I am so excited because this is my first time working in this field. I am excited and nervous. I know you must be wondering, well what will you be doing? I will be teaching at a daycare. I know kids can be a handful at times, but they are just so cute as well.

I am excited to be of the working world again, but then it is time to pay bills. This could be  rewarding or daunting experience, lol. At least you know that things are being paid, but I have to budget and save money. Nonetheless, I am happy. I will continue to write on my blog and post videos on my channel. It is something that i will not doing. I am so excited for my newest venture.

PhD Life


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Hey Readers! Happy Saturday!

This Saturday is filled with the anxiety and excitement of yet another quarter in the Ph.D life. Yes, classes start again on Monday and I am being optimistic about the next 11 weeks. It will be a GREAT 11 weeks! My goal is to work hard and stay ahead as much as I can. I always get this exciting feelings when the quarter comes underway. I’m having a new professor, meeting some of my old friends and even making new ones again.  Some may say that online learning is not real learning, but I beg to differ. It makes you somewhat teach yourself. I enjoy the Ph.D program that I am in

My Next Classes

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Let me tell you, this picture is how I feel my next round of classes will be. I am taking a class called Tests and Measurements and Writing A Quality Prospectus! The second class that I mentioned is getting me prepared for my dissertation. The Dissertation or the ” Big D” as I call it is a research study that you do on your own where you pick your own topic and then have to defend why you chose this topic and what your findings will be. This part of the journey is the most daunting and longest part. While, I’m ready to get finished, I am learning to enjoy and trust the process nonetheless. In the class I will choose a research topic and write a prospect which can be up to 3 pages. Once that is done I have to find a chair to work with when its time to start my dissertation. See, that is just one class. The other class Tests and Measurements will just prepare for the different types of testing and assessments that go on with doing a study. It should not be too bad, but we shall see. I am feeling a bit overwhelmed, but I know that I will be fine. Are there any other college or Ph.D students out there with me? Trust me, I know the struggle is real. But, we got this! We gon make it.

Holding Yourself Accountable


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Happy Hump day!

I hope that all is well and your Wednesday is going great! It is still the new year, in fact it is the second month in a new year so don’t feel bad about your resolutions not being met just yet. There is still time. There are 11 months left in the year. I’ve been thinking about reflecting on my life ( as usual) and I want to talk about accountability. Lately, I have really figured out what the word means and how it shapes my life. I was sitting in my bed writing and it just hit me like a ton of bricks. I never finish things because I don’t hold myself accountable. Whoa! Now before you trip, I do get things done, but it is usually out of whack or I put things on hold that need to be done. I had to hold myself account for my life, actions and even thinking. In my post  What a Sunday! I was in a bad space and just drained with the days events. But, I read a post or picture that my cousin posted and it said:

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I read this and was like heck yeah! Why am I putting myself through stress of things that are out of my control? This is something that is a constant battle with me and my accountability with life. It’s easy to be sad or a little envious at other people’s success when they have achieved the goals that you want to like marriage and being a parent. I long to have the same things, but one thing I learned is that everything that glitters isn’t gold. Just because it appears to be great, does not mean that it is. But, I recently learned and was told to ” stay in my lane”. I can only focus on what I am doing with my life. My focus is to pay attention to only what I am doing and enjoy the process of my life. I have many things to be thankful for like being a great writer, almost finishing school and working on some writing projects that can take my writing to the next level. It seems that the more you center yourself and put you first, the more success will come to you. There has been plenty of times when I did things for other people without making sure I was okay. Mainly for me, this was an issue financially. When I was good with money I would let fiends and family borrow if they asked. No was not in my vocabulary, but now it is. I have to say no. I can’t get to my goals where I want to be, If I am always doing for other people or allowing them to use me. My friend told me recently that people only do what you allow.  I learned this lesson a lot with dating recently. Man, never again!

 

Was 2016 A Hit or Miss?


Man oh man!

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You know? This year has been a struggle, but I have learned so many lessons from it. There were more misses then hits, but that’s okay. This year has taught me so much about myself and what I deserve in life. In order to grow and move forward you must have to know where you have been to get to where you are going. That last sentence might sound like gibberish, but here me out. This year I have felt all over the place with no direction in all aspects of my life.

Writing

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For 2016, you would think that I was bi-polar when it came to my writing. I was so up and down about the craft. One minute I was enthused about finishing a project and then the next I made excuses for why I wasn’t writing. I had things to say like life got in the way, or I’m focusing on school or getting a job. Don’t get me wrong, these are somewhat valid reasons, but if writing is my life I need to make time to do everyday. However, I did participate in Nano and finished. This experience was a rewarding one because I never finished Nano. I even published the book!

Blogging

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Let’s face it. This blog took a major back seat this year. I feel so bad for it too. My YouTube channel was booming and I lost this blog. It is good to be back and have some perspective of what  want to do for 2017. I think it was hard to figure out what to blog about. I am not just a writer or student, but I also love to read as well. I will consider this my website more so than a blog even though I will still post. I want to sincerely apologize to all of my followers for my inconsistency.

 

Love

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Shall we even go there? Man, this area of my life is so misconstrued it’s not even funny, lol. You guys know that I have tried to have relationships and it was just not successful. The last guy was a fluke, just like the ones before him. I tried online dating and it is just unsuccessful for me at the time. There are two people that I know who have met their husbands on online dating sites. what I am finding is that I am not meeting real, mature men. The ones that I am meeting are very immature, some even slow and others just not what I want. When men become men, they should put a way all childish things. If you are over 30 years old and the first thing you want to do is come to a woman’s house and not even attempt to court her, GET YOUR LIFE.  I am so over it, lol. Yet, I have hope that the right man will come around sooner rather than later.

Reading

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I am so happy.  I read a lot this year and even completed my Goodreads reading challenge! My challenge had 30 books, but I surpassed that and read 50. There were so many new authors and books that I’ve read. Check it out.

 

School

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This battle is an ongoing one. Classes are going well and I am passing every one that I take.   However, I have hit my max with loans. What does that mean? It means that I have no money for school. I can qualify for a GradPlus loan, but there are somethings on my credit that need to be paid before I can do it. I still have hope because I am 4 classes away from starting my dissertation. I will finish!

No matter what happens next I will continue to give it my all. I will not give up and keep the faith because I know that God will prevail. He knows my heart and my desires. I look forward to what’s ahead. Bring it on 2017! I will not have more hits then misses in the new year.

Sharing My Weakness As A Writer: Grammar


I love to keep it real with my readers! With that being said I have to tell you a weakness that I have. I know I shouldn’t have it and it seems VERY basic but it is a struggle that I have. Yes, grammar! Grammar I hate it with a passion. I thought that I was getting better but I guess I am not. It has come to my attention that I need to work on my grammar. I was embarrassed and thought, ” Oh no! I need to get a handle on this.” It’s funny I got good grades in English class, but I guess this part of it I just so happened to not do so well in. What I have done to help me work on my grammar is to read constantly. During my stay at FullSail University, I made some great friends. When we learned and started working on our thesis statements, I came across my friend Tess. Tess not only was a student with me but she also taught Creative Writing at her school. I had spoken to Tess previously about my grammar issues and she sent me some handouts to look over. Usually, with my writings I hire an editor to do my work. Then I found out that I STILL had mistakes in my writing. Now, I don’t know who is a good editor or not.

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    This is how I feel right now in my life. I  just want to pull it ALL out!

The more and more people tell me about my grammar the smaller I feel. I know it’s not the worst thing to be ashamed of but I’m a writer and I know it’s a big deal. One of my teachers suggested that I keep reading and pay attention to the sentences as I read. I do that already but it’s not sticking. Then it dawned on me, a friend of mine named Justin told me about The Little Brown Handbook.  He said, ” Krystol I suggest all writers get this book.” I bought the book ( now let me tell you I got the kindle version and it was $62.00). Yes, it’s pricey but it’s a great book. It’s over 900 pages but has different parts to it. One of the parts is Grammatical Sentences and it will help me out a lot! I’m about to start reading it and see if it will help me. But, I was told that in order to become a better writer is to keep writing. So, I am going to do just that and keep writing. I have two books to write ( one of them is for Camp Nanowrimo), a outline to do for a TV pilot, and work for my internship. The work for my internship is tough and my boss even told me about my grammar. I have to step my game up in order to be taken seriously in this industry.

Little Brown Handbook   This book is available where ever books are sold

As silly as it sounds when I read my work of course it sounds perfect to me. Editing has never been my strong suit. I’m not afraid to admit it anymore. But, my writing is still good, at least I think so. I remember one of my teachers telling me, “ Krystol you are a comma crazy.”  I thought comma’s were used with having more than one thing or if it’s a pause. I guess that I was wrong. Boy, my high school English teach Mrs. Conner would be so disappointed in me.  But, I passed her class with a A! I remember we had to do a research paper in order to graduate. I don’t remember what my paper was on but I swear to God APA Format needs to rot in hell. Who in their right mind would make up such a thing? When I was getting my undergraduate degree it got worse. I remember a teacher telling me about my grammar then, too. Man, now that I think I about it, I REALLY need help! Writing this post is very difficult for me because I have to show my weakness, it’s like undressing in front of a new boyfriend when you decide to take ” that step”   into the relationship. ” Does he think i’m fat? What if he doesn’t like it, will he leave?” Ladies, you know what I’m talking about! But, I know that this part of the craft and learning is re-learning. All I can do is continue to try. So here goes nothing!