Dream Deferred


Actual image of Kristen's Guardian Angel

At times in life, our life shifts into different directions that are out of our control. Today I experienced a shift that totally not only knocked me off my feet, but again the wall so hard that I can’t move. Trying to find a job in the writing and research field is hard enough ( hell, a job period), but finding out that you can no longer get the education to continue to try to be on the way of success is a hard blow. I found out that I can’t finish pursuing my PhD. On this blog, I like to keep it real with my readers and give it to you straight no chaser. I know that set backs and things happen. I also know that it’s not the end of the world and I will be able to finish, but right now, in this moment, I feel like someone has taken my air supply for me to breathe. Due to financial reasons, I am unable to finish school at the moment. I know that many have been where I am, and even more have experienced this same situation, but this is my current reality. The reality that I feel like I’ve failed. Parents raise their children to follow the directions, law and get a good education. I have done all of that and yet it seems like it was for nothing. Being a PhD student has taught me a lot about myself and to endure patience in the inevitable. Even though I only have 3 classes until I start writing my dissertation, I guess patience is something I still have to endure before I am able to go back to school. Ah, the irony!

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Not working in a field or job that is tolerable is the worst kind of agony that I don’t wish on anymore. At first it’s like, ” Okay, I’m going to be fine. I have a savings that will hold me for a while.” Then it turns to, ” Holy shit! I’m out of money, what am I going to do?” The unthinkable of not wanting to feel even more like a failure or lame you turn to those parents who taught you how to make it on your own and tell them not only have you failed, but school is deferred. It’s something like a hard blow to the head on the way down to the floor. Now, I’ve never been hit in the head, but I can imagine the pain that comes with it. I know some of you may be thinking, ” It’s not the end of the world, you will go back when you get the funds.” I hope that does happen. Its just an initial shock. I’m still struggling to find work and I’m no longer in school. I have to take a leave of absence for a while just until things change.

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This is currently how I’m feeling. Determine what the next step is for my life, if there is a next step to take. Im doing all I can by applying for jobs everywhere on a daily basis. My dream of successful writer is still in the works because I am writing or at least I will be. I opened up a manuscript that I had started and read it. It’s a love story and yet I just keep staring at the chapter 3 mark. We will not even go there in the relationship department. Granted, I want to be happy and have a successful relationship that will lead to marriage, but right now I don’t know if I’m coming or going. I just keep asking myself, ” Why do good people get the shittiest hands in life?” I understand the concept of life happening and things are never perfect, but it’s like every time you turn around it’s always something. Well, I think I’m done turning. What can happen if I stand still? Oh yea, nothing, lol. At least if I’m turning, I’m moving, right? Prayer has been my best friend and my journal has been my right hand. In due time I will have a good job and school will resume. The dream is not put off, it’s just a dream deferred.

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New Quarter, New Job!


Happy Monday

PhD Life

Hey readers! I hope everyone has a great week this week! I have recently started school again and I am taking one class. The class I am taking is Lifespan Development. I really enjoyed this class when I was taking it for my undergrad degree. But, as a PhD student, I am excited to see what has changed and have not. My instructor is very strict when it comes to deadlines and what is to be done for class. Which is okay, but yikes! I am not complaining, I am enjoying the PhD journey thus far. What I like most about school is that I get to meet new friends and learn. I have friends in my state, but I feel I relate to so many different people that I meet online. It’s so weird.  A lot of my friends that I would say are good friends live in a different state than I do. Go figure!

New Job 

If you have been keeping up with my blog then you know that I have had quite a few jobs this year. My thing is if I’m not happy or feel I am getting what I deserve, I will move on. I don’t mean to be a job hopper, but I want to get jobs in my fields. Now that I was just hired for one, I am staying put for a while. At least, until I graduate school. One of my passions is working with children. I will be doing just that for a non-profit organization. I will be checking the performance for children’s grades through out the school year. I must say that I totally excited!

Krystol Published Author

This is my excited face!

Reading 

I have been reading a lot lately, so much that I am now a book reviewer! Yes, I am so excited to be reading books again. I do have a book tube channel that some of you may have already seen. If not, definitely check out Krystol the book worm!  What made me get back into reading is because I used to really enjoy it. With life getting in the way, I decided to continue to do what I love no matter what. I mean, it’s time for me to get back at it with reading and my writing. I am also going to be starting another writing project this week. I am beyond excited.

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Let me know what is on your September TBR List in the comments! Let’s chat about good reads, bad reads, etc.

why blog your field work?


good afternoon

Hey Readers! Today, I decided to post a blog by Patter. Patter has lot of get ideas and stories about PhD life. As a fellow PhD student, I enjoy reading this blog a lot! I have not read it recently, but I am back. This can also benefit writers as well. Enjoy folks!

patter

Over the last week I’ve posted every day about the ethnographic research I was doing at the Tate Summer School, research carried out with the Tate Schools and Teachers team. Why? Why did I interrupt my normal flow of writing about academic writing and research with a set of posts about my own research? Why was I blogging my research at all?

A lot of people tell me that they are worried about posting about research that is so clearly work in progress. But I want to convince you that there are some good reasons to do so, particularly if you’re doing qualitative work with real live people. And here’s a few of them:

(1) it’s a good record. Writing a blog post forces me to focus on providing a straightforward account of what went on each day. I have to choose the key points and write them succinctly. The…

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I’m Married To My Writing, But I’m Having an Affair With Life


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Hey Readers! I hope you all had a great work week. For me, I’m kind of feeling a little conflicted. See, ever since I learned that I was a writer, it was something I could not live without. In some ways, I still can’t. In some way, I write everyday. Whether it’s a tweet, Facebook or in my journal. I am aiming to blog more and plan on working on my w.i.p’s, but I’m having an affair with life. What do I mean? Well, life is something that everyone lives and must do. There are so many components that come with life such as working, school, children, and the oh-so-fun responsibilities. In life we do what we have to do at times instead of what we want to do. Although writing is my baby, life has other plans. My process is to have room for both without making the other left out. Writers, do you ever have this problem? If so, how do you intertwine the two?

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This is how I feel right now without my hubby ( writing). I feel like I’m neglecting him so much! While at work there are so many ideas going through my mind for screenplays, novels, TV shows, jobs, research, etc. It’s like my mind moves a mile a minute. Yesterday, when I got home from work I just got in my bed and rested. I couldn’t help but think out loud, ” I should be writing”, but my body had other plans. After all, I did work 8-8:45 three nights straight! I even dreamed about writing. When it gets THAT serious, it’s time to regroup and do what I love, write. Be with my significant other while we make magic! Today, I had a meeting with a production company that is interested in my TV show treatments. The meeting went well, but I need to do more research on the company before I make my decision. My point is, when he asked me about my treatments, I got so excited, my face lit-up as I talked about my writing. As I smiled while talking to the man, I felt content and happy. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that I want to pursue writing full-time, I mean if I could, I would, but I have to work to maintain a roof over my head. You know? When I am able to write for a living, I will. As I said before, my goals change slightly, but they are obtainable. To be a researcher and to still write for a living as well. So, what is one to do when you are cheating on your spouse with life? Go to counseling! LOL…Just kidding. Seriously, I think developing a system and making time to write will work best. It’s hard for me at times because I work 12-9 three days a week and 8-5 the other two. By the time the weekend comes, I want to sleep and just do the things I couldn’t during the week. Wash clothes, grocery shopping, etc.

PhD Image

Man! This research class is no joke! I tell you. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining, but it’s very time consuming. I know school is suppose to be, but the reading is crazy! I have 3 books for this class and I’m like ugh…I’m too tired to read, lol. Skimming is my best friend is quarter. I’m doing very well in the class though. Next quarter, I will be taking Quantitative class and Lifespan Develop. Pray for me, I heard the quantitative class is hard as heck! I’m not good with numbers at all. This is why I decided to do a qualitative study for my dissertation. Here is my topic of study: Let me know what you guys think. If you so happen to know anyone who would be interested in being apart of my research study, let me know! Or just share this post, thanks!

Draft Title: Sex Addiction: What happens after diagnosis

Research Problem: Most people who continuously cheat or commit adultery (once they have been caught), say that they have a sex addiction. Is it really an addiction or do they just enjoy the thrill of being with someone else?

Research question: Spouse Perspectives to Describe Perceptions After Sex Addiction Diagnosis
How can spouses describe perceptions after sex addiction diagnosis?

3-5 Keywords
Sex Addict
Sex Addiction
Addiction
Affairs
Sexual Gratification

Scope of Study: To determine if the spouse/significant other who is diagnosed will stay with their mate and to determine if the other spouse will try and save the relationship after diagnosis. Will the mate without the addiction ever be enough for the one diagnosed?

I think this topic is so interesting. Why did I choose this topic? Well, I had a friend tell me that they were diagnosed with a sex addiction. I was really intrigued. I notice that this type of addiction is one that is not discussed openly often. I have started reading articles about the topic. I’m excited to start my dissertation and find out more about sex addiction.

Reflection


It’s the last day of 2014….did you do all that you wanted? 

Me n Ginger

Happy Wednesday everyone! It’s the last of the year! Man, I can’t believe it. My year has been filled with joy, sadness, and a new way of living. Let’s recap just a little bit. So, I was living in Charlotte, NC and moved back home to Delaware in Sept of 2013. I was depressed. I didn’t want to come back home feeling like a failure. I had just graduated with my MFA in Creative Writing. The plan of leaving home was to never come back–at least to live. Working  at Rite-Aid as a Shift Supervisor making only $9 an hour and I was on the schedule for 2 days a week. My other job had closed for the year. So, I had to do what any grown adult dreads, move back home. I moved in with my father and was now confined to a bedroom. No more of my own kitchen, bathroom, and privacy, I was now sharing a house. I said to myself, ” Ok, Krystol, either you make the best of it or be depressed about it. I chose to be depressed just a little more. I stayed in my room and blogged daily. Poor subscribers you must have thought I was on the verge of suicide. I was exhausted mentally. Applying for job after job, to go on interviews and not get anything. Life has a way of bringing out the best and worst in you at the same time. I thought long and hard about what I wanted to do with my life. Here I was 29, single, no children, jobless, and felt so disconnected from the world it wasn’t funny. This is when I decided to go to school for my PhD while still job hunting. I got in to one of the best Ivy league colleges, Walden University. I decided to take General Research Psychology. I applied, wrote my essay, and twiddled my thumbs for a week to see if I’d get in. At this point, I felt like I was 18 years old waiting to see if I had gotten into school. I got in! Thank God and I had an interview three weeks later for an Account Manager position.  I got the job. Fulltime with benefits! The pay isn’t what I’m worth, but hey, it will pay my rent every month. Yes, I moved out of my dad’s house and got my own place! I’m so excited. Check it out.

FireplaceMy fireplace in my bedroom.

My BedI’m loving my new bed!!

My PhD Journey….Residency 1 2014

I can’t tell you how glad I am to be on this journey of getting a PhD! Don’t get me wrong, the work is very intense, but it’s so rewarding none the less. I’m learning so much about myself. This past week I went to my first residency ( four altogether) and I met the faculty of my school. I even made new friends and networked. It was an amazing experience! It was in National Harbor, Maryland. The experience was so inspiring that it has motivated me in my life overall, not just to get my PhD. I have met so many people in my discipline and specialization. You know I networked my behind off! But, there was one person who bought it all home for me, that’s the keynote speaker, Dr. Yvonne Thornton. Dr. Thornton told her the story of her father who worked 3 jobs to make sure that all 6 of his daughters became doctors. 5 out of 6 did become doctors, but not all medical doctors. While she was in college during the 70’s Dr. Thornton, battled prejudice and racism. But, she didn’t let that stop her. She was featured on Oprah and has met the 1st family the Obama’s.

Me and Dr. Yvonne ThorntonDr. Yvonne Thornton and I.

Me and my Cohort. Sandra MillerMy co-hort Sandra and I.

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My new PhD friends! We had a great time!

Me n Fionna

My friend Allison and I with Fionna.

End of the year advice

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Let me tell you, no matter where life takes you whether it’s up or down, don’t give up. Who knew that I would be a PhD student? Life is a journey  and enjoy it as you make it to every destination throughout your life. Don’t let the new year make you want to change, but hey, if that’s what it takes, then go for it. Do something now. Make that bucket list and achieve it! Network and make those great connections, no matter if you are a student or not. No one will stop you from your dreams,but you! Keep moving, because life stops for no one. We only have one life to live, live it to the fullest. And always, always, keep smiling!!

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Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!!! 

Happy Sunday!


 

 

Good morning! 
Sunday

Good morning, everyone! I hope that your sunday is going great! Man, what I a week. My birthday was on thursday and I just stayed at home. My dad got me roses, a birthday cake and a gorgeous card! It made me cry. Check it out!

Roses

Here is the gorgeous card that he got me and it bought me to tears!

Roses 1

My dad is so awesome! It was my first time ever getting roses. I know, crazy, huh? I just dated a lot of assholes who were just not for me. But, I’m on a different path now. Now, I’m looking to date with the purpose of marriage. Anyway, that’s another topic for another day. My week was very long as far as school wise goes. I still have tons of reading to do and a 5 page paper due next sunday. But, I am going to get it outlined today and I’ll start writing it on christmas eve. I mean, it’s just me. My mom is coming for xmas and we are cooking together. That will be fun. I am looking forward to cooking. She came over this weekend and made fried chicken and spaghetti. Boy, was it good!

School Life…

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I swear this research class is something else. This is what I’ll be doing all day!! Reading. I do have to go to the grocery store, but other than that, I’ll be reading. I’ve never done so much reading. My Research and Design methods books is easy to understand, but the book, A Primer in Theory Construction is SO boring and dry!

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This is my nightmare right now, lol.  Of course I got a used book and it’s already highlighted with the same kind that I use so I know what I highlighted lol. I have to read the first 5 chapters in order to get caught up. As I said, I really like the other book that I am caught up on. But, this book! Ugh….pray for me. Has anyone read this book? What I do like is that it will be used in other research classes that I have to take. All in all, I’m loving school. I just wish that I had the time to really focus on my writing while in school. I will make the time for it though because it’s really important to me.

What a week!


Happy Sunday!!! 

Sunday

 

Hey guys! I’ve missed you! This week has been bananas! I’m trying to get settled into my new apartment, but I’ve been so exhausted. I still have boxes to unpack, books to put away. I will get to it though. The only books that I do have out are the ones that I’m using for school this quarter. Trying to get used to the new place, new bus schedule, it’s exhausting. But, I’m still loving it.  Sunday’s for me means getting ready for the work week. Something I dread. Since I’ve moved into my place, I’m now cooking for the week and having left overs from weekend’s dinner as lunches as well. If you haven’t tried it like that, you really should!

PhD Life 

Psychology Phd

Lord  help me!! I’m in my first research class and already I want to pull my hair out.  It’s only the end of week 2 and I have to take an online test that takes 3 hours!! I can’t believe it. All I can do is my best and just take it one step at a time. I’m thinking about dissertation topics now and I pretty much narrowed it down to a topic about sex addiction. I think it’s clever! It will definitely keep people interested that’s for sure. I want to talk about how people who are married with sex addictions, are able to still be happily married. Does that make sense? I may have to play with it a little bit, but that’s the gist of it. I want to do a quantitative or a mixed methods research study about it. Thus far, my PhD journey has been great. Do I have fears? Of course I do! Who wouldn’t. I don’t want to fail anything!! My goal and one of my dream jobs is to be a researcher. I’d love to work in academia or for like a non-profit trying to find cures for things. It doesn’t matter just as long as I’m passionate about the project, you know? I tend to get bored easily, but that’s because I don’t think that I am challenged enough or I have SO many ideas for things that I am over the place. Like I am most of the times, lol. Growing up in Wilmington, De, my grandmother raised me, my mother was on drugs and I saw my dad on the weekends. College wasn’t instilled in me because no one in my family went. My mother graduated high school, My dad did as well and then went into the National Guards. My grandmother graduated from high school then started to have her kids. So, when I graduated high school, my goal was to just get a normal 9-5. My high school advisor saw the potential in me and told me to apply for college. I ended up getting a full scholarship to the community college in my city. Since then, I realized that school and education was so important. Plus, I didn’t want to be a product of my environment. Today, I take school very seriously like I would a job. I try to tell everyone that I come in contact with to go to college. No matter how old you are. But, I do understand that college isn’t for everyone. There are people who great jobs and never went to college. Kudos to them. My point is that I want to be successful in everything that I do.

My apartment …

The Move

Whew! Let me tell you. My clothes are still in boxes and I’ve only managed to clean my kitchen and bathroom. I still have to mop my living and bedroom. I also have to get wood or a duralog so that I can test this fireplace that I’m so excited to try! The kitchen is very spacious, bedroom isn’t as big as I thought it was, but that’s okay. I’m grateful to be in my own place to call home. I just need to give it a little love and it will be home! One thing that has been making me happy is that I’m cooking up a storm! I’ve made breakfast, and have been cooking dinners for the week since I work crazy hours. I love my Monday’s and Tuesdays though because I get off of work early, lol.

My writing… 

Writing

 

This section should totally  be blank. The only thing that I have been writing are discussion boards and papers for school. I’m SO embarrassed to even call myself writer right now. Life is a little on the busy side, but I will finish my books soon and start pitching my screenplays, etc again. I have so many ideas in my mind as well about future projects. My mind goes a mile a minute I swear.

To my new subscribers, I appreciate you, dearly. I will try and post 3 times a week now that I’m somewhat settled, lol. What’s been going on with you guys?

I got a new job!!


Good afternoon, readers! 

good afternoon

I don’t know if you remember, but I had a job interview for an Account Manager 1 position. Honestly, I thought I tanked. But, nope! I got the call yesterday with the job offer. Talk about exciting! My mind was going through so many things that I was really anxious with excitement. As I hung up the phone, the only thing I could do was thank God. It’s funny, I was just talking with one of my friends about how I wanted a better job making more money and something stable. Well, my prayers were answered overnight. Then, it hit me. I had to call Target to tell them my last day was Saturday. I usually give two weeks notice on jobs, but this one starts on Monday! Yes, this monday coming up, can you believe it? Training is from 8-5 for 3 weeks. I am so thankful for a new opportunity and I pray it all goes well for me.

Nanowrimo…

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Being as though I start a new job, I’m still going to do my best with Nano. I figure I will write when I get in from work. I should be home by 7pm every night and write til about 11 or so. Then go to bed and get ready to do it all over again. I know that some if you asked what project I was working on and I have the cover available just for you!!! I have decided to use a pen name for each genre that I write in. Of course, you guys will know it’s me, but I want to attract a new audience. Although I’m an African American woman, I don’t want to put myself in the bubble of an urban fiction writer. I don’t just write urban fiction. I also write thrillers, mystery, erotica and YA. But, I love to write in many different genres. I must say that I am really excited for Nano. I will be working 8-5 and 12-9.  I will make sure that I write when I’m off work.

School…

PhD Image

School is going great! I have all A’s so far in my class. I look forward to next quarter where I will be going to my residency and taking a research class. I heard the class isn’t that bad, but we shall see. I am going to be reading and studying my behind off. But, I love being a student. Going for my PhD was a great decision that I am glad that I made. I want to do my best! It’s all I can do. Thanks to my readers and supporters of my blog. I appreciate you stopping by and reading my progress.

 

And now for the cover reveal….

New Cover

What do you think?

What a day, what a day!


Good evening

Good evening, readers! 

Man, I have had a bad day. I didn’t get the apartment that I applied for because my income for Target didn’t reach the mark and they don’t accept self employment income which would have totally qualified me. Not to mention, they also said my dad wasn’t my landlord. I was saying, ” Uh, yes he is because I live with him now and I pay rent.” I was so annoyed that I actually cried tonight. I went on an interview today and I think it went well. But, time will tell the story! Meanwhile, I will continue to apply for jobs. But, I was so bummed about the apartment. My mother told me not to give up and keep trying. She will be moving with me once I find a place since I’m in school. Have you ever been had bad news ruin your whole day?

What I did after I got the bad news…

After I got the bad news I went on my interview and tried to smile it out. I think I did well and answered the questions to the best of my ability. I mean, all I can do is my best, right? So, when I got out of the interview, it was raining cats and dogs! Man, I had to go to the bus stop. I hauled across the highway to catch the bus. I was so thankful that he waited for me. Usually, they will leave you if you aren’t at the stop. I decided to go to the mall. I know that I should be saving money, but I needed some serious retail therapy. I ordered lunch, went to the bookstore got a book, a laptop dest and my mom the new Keyisha Cole CD for her birthday tomorrow.

New Stuff

I have heard so much about this book.  It’s called, ” Act Like A Success, Think Like A Success” by Steve Harvey. I will see when I start reading it. I’m still working on The Alchemist. I think that I have lost interest, but I want to finish something that I start. I notice that I haven’t been very reliable lately when it comes to finishing things. I just loose interest easily or I’m unable to make an event due to money issues. I need to do better. I will. So, how was your day guys? This is what I had for lunch and dinner today.

Lunch

This is teriyaki beef and shirt with veggies, rice and sweet plantains. Let me tell you it was SO good!! They truly give you a lot of food. The place is called Suki Hana located in Newark, Delaware. I felt I needed to eat badly because of the day I had. I deserved it, lol. Readers, how was your day? What was the weather like?  My day was somewhat productive, I scheduled another job interview and I networked on Linkedin and I had a meeting with someone in the entertainment industry. Hopefully, I will be having great news soon. Time will tell!

P.S. School is going great. I have all A’s thus far.  Next quarter I’m taking a research class and a residency that’s in National Harbor, MD.

PhD Life


Good afternoon readers! 

poor_time_managementThis is actually how I feel right now. I’m exhausted. I only got up to eat breakfast because it was like 11:00 am and I knew I had to eat to take my medicine for this ear infection. My head still hurts, so I have no clue what else to do about that! But, I got up, ate my breakfast, went and ordered a sub for lunch, then I went back to sleep! I know right? But, it is raining, so I’m enjoying the sleep. the day off and my quiet time! It’s always quiet in my room, but you get what I’m saying, right? So, let’s talk about PhD life thus far!

PhD Life…

phd-student

This picture is really funny! Anyway, PhD life is going great so far! I am working ahead, but enjoying the reading and discussion boards. The homework assignments are not crucial (yet), but I am only taking one class this quarter. I’m talking Foundations for Graduate Study in Psychology. So far, I am loving it! This class has 12 weeks and I’m already working on Week 5. I love to work ahead, because I don’t know what hours they will have me working at this job. I am enjoying the reading and getting to talk to my classmates via online. They seem to be some cool people. I think I’m the youngest in my class though, lol. Which is fine, by me. Being a PhD student is good for now. I know that there will be some challenging class ahead of me. I’m enjoying the easy part of it now. But, then again, with me being a writer is really helping me with this process. The teacher wants 1 page and I go over it every time lol. This professor says that she wants quality work and does not care about the page length. Works for me! This process is an enjoyable one. I must admit, I am not looking forward to the challenging classes, and late nights studying! Welcome to PhD life, a place where stress is normal, papers are harder, and learning is 24/7! LOL…..Ha!

Tell me readers, how was your week? What are your plans for this weekend?

 

Oh, I’m still reading this book:

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It’s really good. I’m on part two. I think I’m reading it slowly for a reason. I’m suppose to absorb and marinate on each chapter. I will tell you, this book is making me thinking a lot about my way of thinking and life. I suggest everyone get their copy!!